Have you ever prayed and then wondered what to do next? Or better yet, have you asked for God to give you some sort of sign, so you knew without a doubt you were on the right path? There have been times I’ve asked him to yell at me if necessary, and then I rescinded that offer, afraid of what a yelling God would look like. I’m not asking to be disciplined like a child, mind you. I wanted clarity and focus, so I knew His will was being obeyed. It seems obvious to me I should ask for confirmation about my goals and intentions. If I pray for the same thing night after night, and see no results it may not be in the grand scheme of things.
It’s difficult to let go of so much to Him, and perhaps the reason behind it is listening to Him requires that you trust Him without a shadow of a doubt.
Do I trust Him?
Truthfully? I perhaps trust him 50%-80% of the time based upon my reactions and behaviors. For instance, if I’m to let go of everything to Him and he declared, “You’re not meant to experience the vocation of marriage,” I would want to crumble into a million little pieces (or more accurately eat a tub of ice cream) as I’m with someone who is the quintessential knight in shining armor with a dose of crazy cat lady. If I let go and discover my cross is to never be successful it would be detrimental. If I let go and accept I am never to be a mother, never to be a homeowner, never to see closure and blessings to all those things I hold near and dear, then I would have to ask the most important question of all:
What has not been accomplished, because of lack of discipline and what was simply not in His plan?
What’s the line between lazy and complacency and not trusting God’s will?
I don’t know.
Sometimes I worry I have heard Him, but my fear caused me to become deaf to his call. It is quite possible He’s speaking clearly and I’m shutting Him out of my own accord. So these are the steps I’ve decided to take:
- Build a closer relationship through prayer.
- Become more focused during mass.
If in the end, all I can do is hear Him whisper, and maybe asking Him to repeat Himself once or twice, that will be much better than not hearing His voice at all.
I will definitely update you on this issue, but it felt right to share. You’re not alone if you can’t hear God. We just tend to have terrible hearing at times.
