The Defining Moment

Posted June 29, 2018 by Graceful Serendipity in Catholic Counseling, Journey / 0 Comments

Imagine writing something so repeatedly, you lose your voice. Any gained wisdom seems lost as you know your words have the power to hurt or heal. Even writing the words toxic person, causes my breath to hitch. This isn’t about them. Who they were. Why they did what they did. It could be for a multitude of reasons. Maybe they suffer from a personality disorder. An addiction. The inability to love and feel loved. The why isn’t important.

Instead, we need to focus on the how.

How do you move from the past and find a new future?

Over analyzing the situation becomes natural and par for the course. In those moments of quiet contemplation the pain and damage sinks in. You begin to heal your broken spirit and wonder, “Why didn’t I see this coming?” It’s especially troubling when the relationship held a treasure trove of bittersweet memories. Romantic partner. Family member. Best friend. No matter who the toxic person was, the pain is real.

The Defining Moment

What no one ever talks about are the most difficult moments after you break ties with the toxic person. The anger seeps deep into you and you feel overcome with emotions. That is the moment. What you decide to do will determine whether you begin the road to recovery. Your choice is simple. You can begin to heal or inject the poison your former toxic relationship provided.

Choose to either burn with that same negative energy, or choose to rise above the pain so you may grow, blossom, and flourish like you’ve never done before. You can either let the anger fester, allow them to infect you with their negativity, continuing this poisonous cycle, or you can cut down those tentacles and decide to live.

This is why anger can be a force that can be used to propel you to change, no matter the direction.

The Power of Anger

Anger may come in many shades and forms.

You may be angry at yourself, believing yourself to be a fool. You may feel enraged towards the toxic person for having betrayed you. Perhaps that anger festers and pools as you wish for revenge. Or perhaps your anger grew cold and you begin to feel nothing and lose faith and hope in people. If this person, who you trusted, could harm you imagine what other people are capable of doing.

If the above resonated or you feel your anger to be more complex, more simple, or some shade in between know this-that anger does not serve you.

But I feel so angry, still!

Your anger can only subside if you forgive the toxic person, yourself, and finally let them go -physically, mentally, spiritually. Letting go can be brutally difficult, especially when you are experiencing a season of pain. You’re not letting go of the truth. You’re not forgiving their actions, thereby becoming a victim again. Letting go, means you let go of the pain, the anger, and any negative pattern that prevents you from discovering the joys of life, your mental health, and spiritual journey.

It will be a process, as you rediscover yourself in a multitude of ways. You will become stronger, wiser, more grateful for what you have as you face this new world without that person. There may be setbacks. Attempts by that person to justify and rationalize their behavior. Still, you must let them go. Even if the toxic person in your life isn’t ready to heal.

Here’s the final secret:

It’s an everyday process. If you truly do not forgive that person, it will manifest in other ways. Anxiety. Anger. Disillusionment. Take it day by day. Week by week, but know you will find such strength you never knew you had before. You went through hell and escaped to see the light.

And so today, I finally let go of that person too. I set them free, though they had long been gone from my life. Saying goodbye was hard, painful even as I longed for what was. However, I know I’ll be healthier and happier for it and wish you only the same.

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